Tuesday, December 23, 2008

Comparing and Contrasting

South Florida is like DC in many ways. And I don't mean that literally. Sure, the weather here is warm year round and if you were searching for an adjective to describe it, you would come up with something like "awesome" or "kick ass" or "warm". But there are some key differences.People my age or younger: Most of Florida, especially Miami, is really, really good looking. Someone once

Sunday, December 21, 2008

Thoughts from a warmer place.

Palm Beach Florida is like the rest of Florida, except older...a lot older. There's a reason that some people (i.e. me) refer to this place as death's waiting room. As I left this morning for the airport (at 7 am!!!) , I almost slipped and fell on the rainy, icy stairs, so it's nice to be running around now with a t-shirt on. Still, my family is enough to drive anyone nuts, and I have several

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

No Cake for Hitler

Firstable, I don't know who names their kid "Adolf Hitler". It's hard enough making it through gradeschool without the kids finding some reason to pick on you, so you shouldn't make it easy. If this kid was born with a name like Ralph, I would feel sorry for him, but Adolf Hitler? Really? That's practically child abuse. I hope you can take a punch, kid, because you're in for a rough ride. You

Monday, December 15, 2008

Holidays

It seems like just last week that I got back from Florida (probably because it was last week). But I have to back again for Christmas with the family. Things I am looking forward to:1) food: The food is way better and there is way more if it than when I cook.2) Neices and Nephews: I only get to florida about twice a year, while my brother and sister are there year round. That means that it's

Friday, December 12, 2008

Free Plug Friday

Because it's Friday and I don't feel like being creative for your amusement, I will use the power of the internet and garner and focus the power of my tens of readers and support a friend with our latest edition of free plug friday (TM). (YEs, I am really trademarking that, so if you want to use it, that's fine, but pay me for it...you can pay me whatever you think is fair, unless you are cheap,

Tuesday, December 9, 2008

Back from Key West

I just flew in from Key West and boy are my arms tired. HAHAHA!!! Okay, maybe that's not funny. And you know what else is not funny? Coming home to a house where the temperature is 44 degrees farenheit. Before I left for my trip (future recap post coming) I replaced my old fashioned thermostat with a new fancy schmancy digital programable thermostat. Unfortunately, I have no idea how to

Wednesday, December 3, 2008

Where's My Bailout?

The "Big 3" US auto makers (who are the business equivalent of your neighbor's heroin junkie brother in law) got turned down when they flew to Washington in their private jets and asked for $25 Billion so they can keep making cars that nobody wants. So they did the logical thing, they went home and came back asking for $34 Billion. Wow. Just. Wow.I think I'm going to walk into my bosses' office

Monday, December 1, 2008

Ahhh the Holidays

I'm looking forward to a little mini vacation in Key West with the girlfriend, but soon after I'll have to return to Florida and spend some time with the family for Christmas. Since I've discovered internet shopping, it's now a lot easier just to order stuff online, have it shipped directly there and not worrying about last minute Christmas presents or lugging lots of toys in my luggage. That

Friday, November 28, 2008

My foot job

I'm gonna admit something now, because I'm sure people will find out eventually, so by coming clean and mocking myself, it will have no power over me. Ready for it? You sure? Okay here goes: I got a pedicure the other day. Now, before you say anything, you should know that I am straight...as straight as they come. In fact, I made sweet, sweet love to my hot girlfriend before and after the

Friday, November 14, 2008

When it's time to back away from the computer

If you think Americans are weird, you're right. But people in other countries can be just as weird and pathetic as our homegrown dorks. Sometimes I like to read newspapers from other countries like the Great Britain (because FoxNews is like watching the Hitler propoganda channel), so I'll read stuff from BBC online, or...The Sun, which is like the National Enquirier, but with British spelling

Thursday, November 13, 2008

Two Economists Walk into a Bar...

Q: What's the difference between a recsession and a depression?A: A recession is when your neighbor loses his job, a depression is when you lose yours.The NY Times ran an article recently about how even the big law firms had it rough these days and were laying off assoiciates. Now, THAT'S scary. The reason I went into the law was for job security (also for money and so that I would be able to

Thursday, November 6, 2008

My White Trash Halloween...with Photos

This year I thought for sure I would win best costume. My friend had her annual Halloween party at her huge (7 Bedroom) house out in Fairfax county. Seven Bedrooms? Wow, I'm in the wrong business. I thought I had it locked down with my costume: White Trash. I couldn't find the gold teeth grill that I had bought for my costume, but I thought the other white trash elements (tattoos, long hair,

Monday, November 3, 2008

Don't Forget to Vote

I'll put a halloween post in the next couple of days (I'm busy now), but in the meantime, don't forget to vote tomorrow, even if you'll only be doing it for one of the lesser of two evils. Also, if you're in a state that's solidly blue or red, and you don't think your vote will matter, try voting for a third party candidate so that one day we might have real choice in this country. Also, Ron

Friday, October 31, 2008

I call B.S.

I call bvllshit. If you really are giving up on practicing law, burning your Harvard Law degree and leading a simple life (have fun living in a group house till your 50, hippie), then why would you blot out your name on the diploma? Newsflash, you can get another copy of your diploma for $25, so you don't lose anything by burning your diploma. Think about it: if you lost your diploma, does

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

I'm Back

I can't believe it's been this long since I've posted. I didn't miss it, to be honest. I haven't felt like doing it. It's like trying to get George Bush motivated about reading.Updates? I've lost over $100k in the stock market and haven't made any progress on the house. Also, someone was shot on my corner last night. I think he may be dead because the cop cars were still there this morning. I

Friday, October 10, 2008

Scariest Movie in Years

Well, I went to another movie preview for a movie that's opening soon, Quarantine with my hottie. Now, I'm not scared by most "horror" movies. Most of them I could watch while doing my taxes. But whollyfreakinbejesusonastick this movie is scary!!! If you go watch this movie, maybe you should bring a change of underwear because you may just sh1t your pants...and not in a kinky way either. Also.

Friday, October 3, 2008

Friday Stuff

Well I missed the vice presidential debates last night where Senator Biden debated a former TV Weather girl (has politics really come to this?). Not surprisingly Dems thought he won and Republicans thought she won. Expectations were so low for her that as long as she showed and and stuck to her soundbytes, no matter what question she was asked, she wouldn't embarrass herself. The recaps were

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

The evil fortune teller...and the evil smoothie woman

Last weekend, I went to the Adams Morgan Day festival with my dog who hates all other dogs (and isn't afraid of voicing her hatred) and the girl I'm dating. For those of you who don't live in DC, Adams Morgan is to DC as Greenwhich Village is NYC. Well, it's like Greenwhich Village, except smaller and lamer, but with less hipsters and more low lifes. It was hot and tiring, but it was the only

Thursday, September 18, 2008

Mo' Money...

I got a quote to fix the "issue" with the bricks in the basement (i.e. that they have no mortar and a few are sticking out). The price was $3200, which includes filling in and parging (sp?) 3/8" thick cement over about 250 square feet of bricks to even it out, and pulling out loose bricks and putting them back in. It would be nice to sleep nights without worrying if my house will fall down on

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

Surfer Dude is a Super Dud

I saw the world's worst "comedy" movie last night, Surfer Dude. It was so bad, that I had to go home and look on IMDB just to make sure that it was a comedy. Prior to this, the two worst "comedies" I have ever seen were Lightning Jack and SpaceBalls. I laughed twice during Lightning Jack and once during SpaceBalls. I didn't laugh even once during Surfer Dude. Spaceballs was made after Mel Brooks

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

Update

Thanks for concern about me beeing shot. I don't know if I'm paranoid, but I think the pellet is still in my arm. I'm reluctant to take a day off work and go to the doctor just for that, but what happens if I leave it in there? Lead poisoning? Mental retardation? Voting republican? In other news, I had a foundation guy come in and look at the bulging wall in my basement. He said the bricks

Friday, September 5, 2008

that time I got shot with a BB gun...

I haven't posted the follow up because I've been too lazy, to upload the picture. I like to think of it as being busy, but I'm sure catching up on Flight of the Conchords on DVD doesn't qualify me as a mover and a shaker in the corporate world. Donald Trump is not looking over his shoulder and worrying about me, which is fine by me. When my lotto tickets hit, he won't even see it coming.So...the

Friday, August 22, 2008

The world's worst driver

I spotted this car on Florida Avenue and 17th street. There were no other cars involved in the "incident". Sometimes people back home in NYC think I'm kidding when I tell them how bad the drivers are in DC. When I tell them that it snows half an inch and the entire city shuts down (no, really!), and people here don't even know how to drive in the rain. (maybe you should stay in Arizona or

Monday, August 18, 2008

Busy Weekend

This weekend I was shot by BB gun while walking my dog and my date had her car broken into; I went to two clubs, 4 bars, an art show, a bar be que, a dog adoption event, and an improv comedy show. I'll post some pics of my "gun shot wound" with the recap tomorrow, but I'm tired right now and I have a headache. I don't have mixed feelings about gentrification because when my neighborhood looks

Friday, August 15, 2008

There's no Place Like Fridays...and a free plug

I got back into town a few days ago. Attending a vegetarian wedding, it turns out, is as strange as it sounds. I liked the wedding, except for the no-meat thing. I like hummus as much as the next guy, but if I go 24 hours without eating meat, I'll probably bite someone. The ninja clan hails from South America where people sometimes eat meat at all 3 meals. And sometimes during snack time.If my

Monday, August 4, 2008

Yes Man

What happens when you say yes? A friend was telling me about a book called YES MAN (See the link in the sidebar), where the author decides to say yes to everyone for a year. He says yes to people offering him pamphlets on the street, and inviting him to attend a cult meeting where people believe aliens built the pyramids in Egypt. Along the way he wins the lottery (and loses the money) and

Tuesday, July 29, 2008

Extreme Foreclosure: Home Edition

I hate watching Extreme Makeover, because it bugs me to see a crew of people do more to a house in a week than I have done to mine in 3 years. Plus the background stories are really, really sad and if I wanted to watch something that made me cry, I would just do a google search for nekkid pictures of Rosie O'Donnell. Jus' Sayin'.Maybe it's a symptom of the real estate bubble, or a metaphor for

Friday, July 25, 2008

Omen or Karma?

Sometimes it's hard to interpret random signs. Is it an omen? A test? A couple of days ago when I was walking my dog (not a euphemism for masturbation) I saw a cat pounce on a mouse and bite it to death as it was screaming. Is that a sign? If so, what does it mean? A month ago I was at a bar and I ordered a drink, payed for it with a $10 bill, but the bartender gave me change for $20. Since

Thursday, July 24, 2008

What I don't need to read.

When I read about a string of robberies in my neighborhood in broad daylight, I am not happy. Especially when one of them was on my block. From growing up in NYC, I think I can tell when someone is up to no good. Rather than wait for them to commit enough crimes that they eventually get caught (the DC Police Department sucks more ass than deviant anal p0rn) and maybe go to jail, I think the

Thursday, July 17, 2008

Odds and Ends

I haven't done anything major around the house because I'm lazy and I'm saving the money I should be spending to make sure my house doesn't fall down in order to plan for my Thailand trip. One (of many) thing(s) that bugs me though, is the amount of debris I have in the basement (pieces of wood, scraps of drywall, dead hookers etc.). It's not nearly enough to rent a dumpster, but too much to have

Tuesday, July 8, 2008

Odds and Ends...and a Batmobile

Well, the winner of my "where am I going with this" post is Dara from Blah Blah Blog, who correctly guessed "Thailand" (and incorrectly guessed a few other places). Since she's local, she's entitled to my microwave, which isn't the greatest microwave in the world, but it's free and I have no use for it since I installed the new microwave above the stove. If she doesn't want that, she can have

Wednesday, July 2, 2008

Where am I going with this?

My new passport came in the mail yesterday. The paperwork I filled out said it would take 4-6 weeks, but arrived about a week and a half after I dropped it off at the passport headquarters (which is very near my gym in Downtown DC). This is the first time I have EVER seen a government beaurocracy operate efficiently. Contrast this with the FIVE times I had to go to DC's DMV to get my license

Tuesday, July 1, 2008

Some people should never have kids

This is either the funniest or the cruelest practical joke ever. And if you think it's funny, maybe you shouldn't be having kids...or baby sitting...or playing with sharp objects...psycho! It reminds me, sadly, of the infamous Mazinga toy incident, when I was a child. I still haven't forgiven Santa for that one, and one day I'll come accross Santa in a bar after he gets off work at the mall and

Friday, June 27, 2008

Wedding Crasher

I inadvertently crashed a wedding last weekend. I was going to a friend's wedding at a swanky place in Georgetown on 28th and Q st. I didn't know there were two swanky places there (one on Q st and the other around the corner on 28th street). So, of course, the cab driver drops me off at the wrong one. The people at the first wedding seemed a little too douchebaggy to be friends with my

Wednesday, June 25, 2008

Wow, Gasoline Really IS Expensive

On Friday I realized how expensive gas has really become. After the gym, my friend Uncle Rico and I were having beers at my place before we went out. When we went to our vehicles afterwards, Uncle Rico's truck smelled like a gas station. He has a pickup truck that's pretty high off the ground. When we looked underneath it, we saw that someone had cut his fuel line and stolen his gas! Now this

Thursday, June 19, 2008

hurtin'

I'm not 22 anymore. It used to be that I could go out drinking till 4 in the morning and be walking around like nothing happened by 9 am. But your 30s are different from your 20s, and not necessarilly in a good way. My friend Dirty Dave, who I've discussed here and here, is in town for a couple of days. We went out drinking (bad idea number one), and did more drinking (still a bad idea) and

Saturday, June 14, 2008

updates and such

Well, I'm planning on taking it easy this weekend. Maybe some tidying up around the fortress, but no actual work. I'm trying to get a couple of foundation guys to come in and take a look at my basement brick "issue" next weekend, so thinking about my house falling down and burying me alive while I curse the heavens, or me spending lots of money to keep it from doing so hasn't inspired me to do

Wednesday, June 11, 2008

miscellany

I had a couple of contractors in to take a look at my basement. I've gotten such aggravation out of the top two floors, that I really don't want to mess with the basement so I was toying with the idea of hiring someone to do the whole basement. I have someone in mind for that, but the guy doesn't do foundations and he pointed out something that he thought I should get checked out before he

Friday, June 6, 2008

The Time I weighed my Poop

I'm beginning to have sympathy for what you women go through. I always hear women complain about trying to lose weight and I never gave it a second thought because after being forced to watch a few Sex and the City episodes I realized that women can complain about anything. ("these shoes are ugly; these shoes look nice, but they are uncomfortable; I don't have enough dates; I have too many dates;

Monday, June 2, 2008

Miscellany

Okay, the results of last post's poll are in. Usually I don't give any weight to polls posted on my site because the results don't come out the way I wanted them too (for the record, my sweater was NOT gay, and neither is any dog, no matter the size). But surpisingly, by a narrow margin, the voters on my site (unlike the voters in the last two presidential elections) showed some sense and decided

Wednesday, May 28, 2008

You Be the Judge

A few months ago I spotted what may or may not be George Clinton in my hood. I walked in front of him to make sure, then I snapped this pic with my old camera phone. I didn't speak to him because, well, because he's George Effing Clinton and you just don't go up to him unless you've got something to say (or some free pot). And I was coming home from work (wearing a tie!) and I didn't want him

Wednesday, May 21, 2008

Return of the Mouse Commandos

The Fortress has been mice free for a year and half. I hoped that by killing all of them with the precision that only someone like me that is 1/4 German and all ninja could do, that it would forever deter others from ever trying to come back. Unfortunately, mice have a short memory. I don't think I cook enough in the fortress for a mouse to survive on my leftovers, but I do live in a townhouse

Tuesday, May 20, 2008

Free Plug Fridays...on a Tuesday

I usually wait until thursday to plug stuff for which I don't get paid, but one of the things I'm plugging is on thursday, so the effort will be useless if I do it on friday, unless you have a time machine...but if you had one of those, I am sure that you have better things to do with your machine, like travelling backin time to kill the scientist who came up with the idea for the super particle

Monday, May 19, 2008

Grrrrrrr....

Someday someone will invent a device that allows you to punch someone in the face over the telephone. When that day comes 1) he or she will be very, very rich; and 2) I will buy the first device (even if it's still in Beta testing). Yes...it's one of those days, and no, I can't give specifics. But now I judge Russell Crowe less harshly for throwing a phone at someone in NY. I'm not saying

Wednesday, May 14, 2008

The night is made for infomercials

If each of us has some kind of internal clock that tells us when to wake up and go to sleep, then the warranty on mine must've expired. Either that, or it was manufactured in Turkey by illiterate toothless hillpeople who were hired to make it when the factory relocated from Vietnam because the hillpeople were willing to work for ten cents an hour less than the barefoot former vietcong in

Thursday, May 8, 2008

Speechless

There are very few things that leave me speechless. I'm a lawyer, so words are the tools of my trade. Like a carpenter's hammer, a surgeon's scalpel or a trophy wife's breast implants, words are what I use to earn money to keep a roof over my head. So it's not often that I forget how to use them.However, yesterday I was driving to my meditation class and I saw the funniest thing i've seen since

Tuesday, May 6, 2008

Thoughts About Home Prices and Shark Attacks

Unless you run a drug smuggling ring, human trafficking operation, or some other criminal enterprise like a church, the purchase of your home will probably be the biggest financial decision you ever make in your life. That's why the news about the housing market is so depressing. It's like getting married in Vegas to a hot girl and then finding out that she used to be a man. Okay, maybe not

Thursday, May 1, 2008

Dog Update

Well, I didn't mention it before, but my foster dog got adopted. I miss the goofy mutt, but in a way it was good to have my life back. Plus, the guy who adopted him lives next to a dog park (which is great for the dog) and he's going out of town a few times this summer and asked if I could dog sit. Which is awesome for me. That's like breaking up with an ex and having her get married, then having

Wednesday, April 30, 2008

Aside from That Mrs. Lincoln, How Was the Play?

I noticed quite a few police cars with sirens on my way home from work yesterday. I assumed it was because yesterday was Free Ice Cream Day at Ben and Jerry's, and they couldn't contain their joy. But no such luck. I was about two blocks from the Ninja Fortress and I asked someone who apparently saw what transpired.Guy: There was a gunfight, right here. [points to where we're standing]

Wednesday, April 23, 2008

DC Frustrations and the Jedi Mind Trick

I don't want to turn this into an anti-dc blog, but if you've read this blog for any length of time, you'll know that I have no love for the DC police department, whose mixture of incompetence and laziness is only rivalled by their stupidity.This weekend I'll be helping a friend of mine move. Being from the midwest, he probably was underestimating how dangerous his neighborhood would be. But

Tuesday, April 22, 2008

10 Things I Have Learned From Girls I Dated

The girl on Sex and The City with the horse face is Sarah Jessica Parker. (women like her because she has a horse face but wears nice clothes and dates lots of guys);If a woman sees you holding a baby and not looking terrified, it's better than foreplay (the key is to wear your terror on the inside);If you ask a girl what's wrong and she says "nothing", she is lying (that's why you should

Thursday, April 17, 2008

Vision Quest Meets Rocky

Well, I continue to search for things that I suck at, but I am so awesome that it's difficult to find anything. Let's add submission grappling to the list. But first...some background.I started learning karate when I was about 12. Only it wasn’t just karate. The school was taught by an old school karate master and an old school judo and jiu jitsu master who thought that by combining grappling

Tuesday, April 15, 2008

Coming soon...

I think it's been more than a couple of weeks since my last post, but I'm not dead (knock wood), just busy. I had hoped that this year would be the first year in a long time when I filed my taxes on time without asking for an extension...but apparently next year will have that honor.Ironically, I have been trying to get my sh1t organized for some time, and at a party a couple of months ago I

Friday, March 21, 2008

Strange Days

I haven't been myself lately. I've been busy...very busy, and a little edgy lately. Last week I almost got into a fist-fight at 3 am with a drunk. I am usually pretty laid back (partly it's zen, and partly it's that I don't give a sh1t), but something just set me off. I came back from a club and it was late, but I still had to walk the dog so that he doesn't pee on my floor and then act like he

Tuesday, March 18, 2008

Randomness

I was off yesterday and I went to Ikea for the last things I needed to finish my kitchen. It's not as loathesome a place during the week. On the weekend there's always thousands of people there and every single one of them is in my way. But if you go during work hours, the silence is deafening.When I bought the kitchen cabinets from them several months ago, they supposedly sold me everything I

Friday, March 14, 2008

Free Plug Fridays

Although this is St. Patricks Day weekend, you don't need to wear a green t-shirt and make a drunken ass out of yourself with all the rest of the aging frat boys trying to re-live their college days. ("you don't know, man, it was willlld, my boyz can DRINK, man, you don't know, you have no idea how fcuked up we used to get every weekend"). So I'm going to give you some other things to do with

Thursday, March 13, 2008

Blog Thoughts...the spinoff

I've been thinking about starting another blog. Not like the stock picking blog, which nobody reads, but a secret blog that nobody reads. I was talking to my sister the other day and it turns out she found out about my cyber outlet for life's frustrations. At first I tried to deny it.Sis: [cousin] told me about your blog. It's hysterical.Me: I don't know what you're talking about...I don't have a

Wednesday, March 12, 2008

Irony, thy name is Spitzer

What's happening to Elliot Spitzer is ironic. He prosecuted money launderers and prostitution rings, and he gets caught because of suspicious bank transfers which leads authorities to his whore mongering. To make matters worse, Spitzer signed a law that increased the penalty for sleeping with hookers from 3 months, to one year in prison.Unlike Alanis Morissette, I can use the word ironic in a

Wednesday, March 5, 2008

Geeks pour one out for their homie

I saw on the news that Gary Gygax died yesterday. If you don't know who that is, it's probably because you were getting laid in high school. Gary Gygax is the guy who created Dungeons and Dragons. You see, before the internets were created, there was no such thing as World of Warcraft and movies like Harry Potter. Special effects were so rudimetary that film studios had to rely on cheap gimmicks

Tuesday, March 4, 2008

Almost famous

A nice article about the opening of Target tomorrow in my ghetto...errr, neighborhood. On saturday, I was interviewed by Channel 9 news about the development by the metro, and I was on TV at 6 and 11. I told a few people I know about it, but I didn't tape it with my old school TiVo (i.e. my VCR) because, honestly, I only have a couple of VCR tapes (I'm not a caveman, afterall), and I didn't want

Friday, February 29, 2008

Suck It Bernake

This is why people need to vote for Ron Paul. Do you think any of the empty suits (McCain, Clinton, Obama) could lift Dr. Ron Paul's intellectual jockstrap? I didn't think so. As a homeowner who has a great deal of my net worth tied up in a house whose value could decline as the result of idiotic actions by Bernake and his predecessor, the moron who shall remain Greenspan, I'm glad that

Tuesday, February 26, 2008

Future Ninja?

The kid's got skillz, yo!

Monday, February 25, 2008

On Target?

I am hungover today, but I received some good news today (and no, it's not that Hillary Clinton has Syphilis). When I first bought the impenetrable ninja fortress, "they" said that a Target store was under construction and would be open "soon". Well...it's been three years and finally I can go get some slightly-better-than-walmart stuff without having to drive to Virginia for it. Oh yes, now

Wednesday, February 20, 2008

At least it's not syphillis

Sometimes when someone says something, you hear something completely different. I'm not talking about some kind of Freudian thing where you misheard something, like if a cute girl says "wait a sec" and you hear "wait for sex", but the other kind of thing where you hear the words, but the message is something different, like if a cute girl says "hi" and you hear "I want to marry you and have all

Thursday, February 14, 2008

Obligatory Valentine's Post

I am still sick, so I don't feel like doing a real post, so I have used my ninja time machine to bring you a love letter that I will write to my future wife at some time in the future. ______________________________Dearest Future Wife who agreed to marry me without a pre-nup even though you have way more money than me:Hundreds, maybe even thousands, of years ago, my love, on February 14th St.

Wednesday, February 13, 2008

The Zen of Nyquill and the Art of Ukemi

I fell twice yesterday. Twice. I know the weatherman (or woman) warned me about icy rain, but I still needed to get out of the house for frivolities like food. The first fall was on the steps of the ninja fortress. The wrought iron steps were covered in an invisible (and deadly) sheet of ice. I didn't see it until it was too late. Mad skillz, mother nature! Mad skillz, yo! I wish I could say that

Monday, February 11, 2008

sicko...

Still really, really sick. I took off from work today to wallow in self pity and get high on Nyquill. Even though I'm still stick, I can't sit home and watch TV all day like some housewife who married up, then quit trying to impress her husband.This dog still needs to be walked otherwise he will poop on my floors. And even though I don't want to be bothered right now, it still wants to be up in

Friday, February 8, 2008

Ron Paul Girl and Obama Girl

I don't feel like being witty today because I am sick. Not sick as in "mentally off balance" which goes without saying, but sick sick. I don't usually get sick, so the fact that I have a slight temparature probably means that it's some type of super virus like the ebola or something. Not to worry, my superhuman immune system has contained the virus and will destroy it shortly, thus saving the

Wednesday, February 6, 2008

The End of the MacGuyver Kitchen

I don't want to drag this post out anymore. If I teased this post anymore, I'd be able to get a job doing 80s hair in Brooklyn (or 2008 hair in Texas). I finally uploaded some pics of the kitchen that I finally installed the countertops in. BEHOLD BITCHEZ!This is part of the wall that I opened up to make the kitchen more open. I added these brackets to turn it into a bar area (as if I

Sunday, February 3, 2008

The Fried Chicken Eating Nomads

I'm learning a lot about human behavior from walking my foster dog. Like, for instance, there are people who walk around my neighborhood eating fried chicken and throwing the bones along the sidewalk. I have never actually seen these people, but I know they exist because I have seen the bones everywhere.Eating chicken bones is very bad for dogs, so either there are lots of these people walking

Friday, February 1, 2008

It's raining Cats...and a Dog

I hate this weather more than a college socialist hates a bar of soap. Although the heat seems to be working fine at the ninja fortress, I am always not-so secretly worried that it will start leaking all over the place, I will be stuck without heat and they will find my lifeless frozen body wrapped in the infamous sweater, that while toe-ing the line between european metrosexuality and gayness,

Tuesday, January 29, 2008

Pensive

Everytime another birthday rolls around, I get pensive. I was watching that new Scott Baio show on VH1 the other day. For those of you that don't know, Scott Baio had a "reality" show last season on Vh1 called "Scott Baio is 45 and still single". This season he is married and has a new show called "Scott Baio is 46 and still a douchebag". Actually, that's not the title, but it should be.

Friday, January 25, 2008

Free Plug Fridays: Canine Edition

Even Hitler liked dogs...FACT! So if you don't like dogs, then you are worse than Hitler...CONCLUSION! Therefore, if you don't want to turn into some twisted hateful genocidal mutant with only one testicle, then you should consider owning a dog. Some of you might be wondering, what my point is. Or do I ever really have one?I guess my point is that this Sunday, you can go to a dog adoption thing

Thursday, January 24, 2008

Suck-i-tude

Okay, I suck at blogging lately. I know some of you are thinking "lately? when were you ever good at it? Or anything else for that matter?" And to that I say "Mom, I told you to stop reading my blog."In between being busy at work, and with fun stuff, I also managed to get some stuff done at the house. So, although I'm not a new year's resolution kind of guy, I am a no-unfinished business kind of

Friday, January 11, 2008

Free Plug Fridays: Art Edition

Once again I will save you the trouble of thinking for yourself and give you a few Ninja-Approved Activities to pass the time. Because I'm all classy and shit, this week we will reviewing some artistic activities. I. ART SHOW One of my artist friends is having a big solo show in Alexandria, VA next Friday (January 18th) at the ArtWhino Gallery. You can see a poster for it below. ArtWhino is a

Wednesday, January 9, 2008

Actual Home Improvement Stuff

One of the many things I am reluctant to do without guilt (because I'm catholic and feel guilt about everything) is to let other people work on the ninja fortress. It's partly because the first contractor I hired screwed up a lot of things and I ended up having to re-do them; which meant that I had to do it myself, and pay for someone else to do it which gave me the worst of both worlds. But it's

Tuesday, January 8, 2008

SUV Attacks on Homes Resume.

It's been a while since I mentioned SUV attacks against homes. I previously discussed the topic HERE, HERE, and HERE. Because it's been months since I mention it, you might think that a Kamikaze attack on someone's home was a fad like Disco or the internet, but sadly the lack of recent attacks was just an attempt to lull people into complacency in order to launch further surprise attacks.

Monday, January 7, 2008

Ketchup post

Well, spending Christmas with the New York relatives isn't nearly as traumatic as spending Christmas with the Florida relatives, but I guess it all depends on how you look at it. You could just as easily say that Dante's third circle of hell isn't as traumatic as the 8th circle of hell. But still, if you had a choice between Christmas with my family and doing something more enjoyable (like